I Fear God, Wandering and Divides

I don't know about you, but this scare me...

I don’t know about you, but this scare me…

The names and faces of all of the precious children with autism that have vanished or died flash through my mind all of the time. As I think of them I worry about my own daughter.

I remember when adorable┬áMikaela Lynch disappeared and was later found, drowned, in a creek by her home… I was devastated for her, for her family and simultaneously terrified of my little girl finding the same fate… Much like sweet little Mikaela my girl loves water. My ex husband has a pool. For several days I harassed him about it. “Don’t let her near it when you’re not right there. Keep an eye on her. You don’t understand she could drown!” The mere thought of our little princess near that pool sent me into a panic attack. Friends told me not to think about it; don’t create problems where there aren’t any. They were right. I was going out of my mind with fear, knowing that her dad wouldn’t let anything happen to her, any more than I would. We might not have made it as a married couple, but he’s a good dad. I know this. I repeated all of these things to myself.

Months later, so many more children have perished… So many wandered from school; from home; from grandma’s house… never to be seen alive again. I shake my fists at the sky and ask “Why? Why God? WHY?” I have yet to receive an answer- or at least one that I can live with…

A fellow autism mom, advocate and a woman whom I have immense respect and love for recently posted a picture of her family- each one of them had their hand on their treasured boy; one who is severely effected by autism and who lacks any sense of danger… In the caption she begged that people look to understand, not to judge… It can happen to anyone.

Even her.

Even me.

Even you.

So what do we do? Do we wring our hands in despair, demanding answers from the divine when perhaps that is not where the answers lay at all? What if God is up there shaking His fist at us for not hearing Him?

What if the answers are not in the question, but in our response to the tragedies that befall our community every day…? What if we stood together BEFORE Avonte, before Mikeala, before the next child vanishes without a trace…? What if the camaraderie, community and care that flows so freely in the face of tragedy was actually part of our daily lives? What could we do then?

I think of the deep divide within the autism community… Cure vs. Acceptance, Vaccinations vs. Anti-Vaccinations… the divides are endless. What if, instead of pointing fingers and blaming others if we all stood together for our children, for our families?

Can you imagine? Try… for just a minute to imagine what life would be like if we treated each other with understanding, compassion and love BEFORE tragedy strikes… Could that be the answer? Could it really be as simple as LOVE? Think about the powerhouse we could be if we were all motivated by our love and commitment to our families and each other and not proving a point.

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